In a recent amendment, the marriage age for both sexes was increased to 21. Now I found that a perfectly fine decision, but then my social media was full of long thesis’s on why it’s a ridiculous idea, changes nothing, child marriage is good, this is a human right violation and blah blah; Was surprised for a while, but then recalled we live in India.
This is an unpopular opinion, but I think there’s no real legitimate reason as to why the marriage age increment is a bad idea. Why should a woman be married off, before she is emotionally & financially stable (if not independent)? Is 18 an age for this?
You know where do these sentiments come from, the old school believes that being an adult means it’s time for the woman to settle down, and of course, marriage is the only way and motherhood completes a woman. Yeah, marriage is sacred, so is exploitation.
I understand the issue of state intervention &the stigma of pre-marital sex too. But aren’t bad laws the founding ground of social evils too. We can’t cease it off, in the name of ‘private life. Dude, then marital rape also falls under “private affair”. But needs to be criminalized. Also, marriage isn’t & shouldn’t be deemed as a license for sex.
Sure this government can’t be expected of having any “good intentions” as such, but coming up with rather a hyperbole conspiracy theories is no solution.
Marriage is a ridiculous yet the toughest decision of a woman’s life. Giving idealistic lectures on pathos, love, etc; is easy for you because you are privileged.
But maybe you should have a look at responsibilities associated with it than just the knotting of a union, perhaps the invitation of forced motherhood in most cases. Then there’s society. Do you really think a couple can rear a child at 18, in case, the woman ends up being pregnant? Are we naïve enough to not know of in-law pressures that start coming up after the completion of a year of marriage, particularly in joint families? Child pressure, possible domestic violence, education balance, new phase, new partner, new responsibilities, is that the environment you would want your daughter to be at such a vulnerable age? She isn’t your neoliberal TV serial heroine dude, who manages all whole day, yet, never looks tired.
Isn’t it too much for a young lad who could be having a well off stable career, to handle, and come on, no matter how supportive your in-law family is, you can’t be getting that level of comfort as you otherwise would as a single woman. But then who cares, her biological clock is ticking isn’t it?
Then being in awe of the beautiful union that’s happening, let us not forget about the ever-increasing rate of “unreported” domestic violence, that has happened in nuclear households itself, right after marriage. I mean don’t get me wrong, am not against relationships, love is the most beautiful thing that can ever happen in a person’s life, it’s rather tragic that as a society we shame love & sex. But can we deny the fact, that in a marriage, the man is in an overpowering position to abuse as compared to that of a non-married relationship? And unfortunately, you cannot even come out of it, because who would want to be labeled as a “house breaker”, and young girls, being vulnerable for their age, aren’t supposedly “adjustable” enough isn’t it?
We live in a country where even Ph.D. holders take years to get a job. And if it happens to be a female candidate, you can expect to be discriminated against. Even 21 is not enough for a woman to get herself emotionally prepared, if not financially.
Because of the flawed parenting system, adulting is difficult and takes time to adjust to the world and society that in most cases, turns out to be unexpected.
I have seen many women regretting their early choice of love marriage too, even inter-faith instances.
Yeah, it’s three more years of harassment in that case, but also gives you more time, to know the man u plan to sleep permanently with tomorrow better. Why hurry? It’s rather foolish to marry off without being financially secured in an independent sense. What if the marriage breaks?
When it comes to betrayal or any other marital issues, men being trash, oversee religion. Dude, it’s of course not necessary for you to be a working woman, but advisable considering present times. At least have a MA degree & some years of professional experience.
if your husband leaves you tomorrow, by abandoning you of everything, how will you feed your stomach? Men are unpredictable, rather everyone is, that too in such a short time. Relationships that have lasted 12-13 years have also had short marital time. Nobody can assume a married life.
If the marriage breaks, you will still be having a secure and proper degree & expertise, to start something afresh. Given the toxic patriarchy & unemployability crisis, it’s not easy but not impossible either.
Rather let’s normalize living relationships, pre-marital sex & adoption. We cannot get away ceasing responsibility on the pretext of “taboo”. Like it is us who have created the taboo, haven’t we?
To be true, 25 is the appropriate age, generally, youngsters have secured some degree and expertise by then. I mean yes there is surely the aspect of free choice of a legal adult, but as a woman, I wouldn’t want a young girl to be married off early to a man she knows not much, only to be mocked off for her ‘Less education’, in her in-laws’ house, I mean come on, it’s a harsh reality but it’s a fact, we Indians haven’t got over our quest for an educated slave yet. Also, have we fixed our dowry problem?
Thus, the decision if analyzed from the angle of “More can be done and needs to be done” then the logic stands valid. Therefore, if you ask me if it’s a good or bad decision, then it’s a good decision, for it’s fundamentally against the concept of child marriages. Since the age limit is raised now hopefully parents would commence marriage only at that age limit. It’s only a stepping stone to achieve the much-needed inclusivity that we need in India today. We need another law too that says that all marriages that have happened before 18 are illegal, because the existing law that is there, maintains that child marriages are voidable but not completely void.
We need to work on the structure of the hierarchy. It’s an overly layered issue not to be solved by one plain law for sure but should be, however, deemed as a good start. Am no expert, but as someone who has observed many failed marriages in a social circle, this is just my opinion.
Then endorsing a ridiculous idea like marriage which is practically speaking nothing more or less than a legalized & socially acceptable form of procreation, we should work in correcting our narrow-minded approaches towards consensual living & adoption.
Next, same-sex couple recognition. Only if so much outrage & discussion would have been to legalize their marital union. Ever thought, how they feel, when they receive a marriage invitation?
Perhaps, even the inclusion of non-savarna women priests in that “sacred” ritual called marriage is necessary. But then we are a doomed country perhaps, a kakistocracy.
Criminalize marital rape, we can discuss your utopian marriage idea later.
Electing the government & beginning an untrained & tough journey like marriage can’t be compared. Dear men, please refrain from your unrealistic analogies. You are not forced to make the uterus a built-in stove.
Time for us to decide if we would want our daughters to return home in coffins, or stop endorsing the so-called “sacred” institution of marriage. But then, why does she need to study so much? Well, to be privileged enough to divorce.
Radhika Barman 